ANDY FISH is a comic book artist

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Movies that don't live up to the hype- ALIENS

 Once in a while there is a movie which I've heard great things about and yet just never found the time to watch.

ALIENS (1986) is just such a movie; I've seen about 90% of Alien (1979)-- possibly even more, but enough to know it's pretty good. I've heard that ALIENS was even better, so it was with much anticipation that I sat down with Veronica and watched this absolute piece of crap.

Might have given away my opinion on this.

Sigourney Weaver is back as Ripley, this time along comes Paul Reiser who plays a slimy business guy who only thinks about the corporation so you know for sure he's going to do something to sell the rest of the team out and die a horrible death at the end of the movie.

This is set in the future and we know this because all the guys wear their sport jacket collars up. That shows the advancement of fashion.

All right, here's the story (I guess SPOILERS but the the biggest one is if you sit and watch this you won't get the two and a half hours of your life back).

Aliens have invaded a new colony on the planet-- the people on the planet aren't responding to communication so Paul Reiser has to get a team together and go see what's wrong. Ripley has been charged with the loss of her spaceship from the previous movie so she's lost her pilot's license. Reiser convinces her to come along as an advisor telling her she'll get her license back if she helps them.

They aren't going alone, though-- they are going with Space Marines-- so far removed from REAL marines they behave more like a group of boyscouts on spring break than an elite military unit.

Bill Paxton is one of the marines. He delivers great dialogue like this (as they head to the planet's surface);

"We are total bad asses!"

We know this is true because he tells us (and Sigourney) six or seven times. He's not the most obnoxious of the stereotypical marines either, there is a street smart puerto rican woman with a red bandana who is the machine gunner-- the tough as nails drill sergeant who apparently stayed on past boot camp, and a couple of nameless chiseled pretty boys who look like they stepped out of a Calvin Klein ad.

The second they land on the planet they get their asses kicked by the ALIENS and Bill Paxton runs off crying "Game Over Man!" as he retreats for the ship.

Sitting through this, I kept waiting for it to get good. I even went so far as to check it out on IMDB and was shocked to see it got an 8.5 rating and non stop rave reviews-- did I watch the wrong movie?

In the same day we also saw UP! (fantastic movie) and TWISTER-- which is a perfect example of a mindless fun summer movie, but this thing is just a total mess-- but it did deliver a line I'll use over and over;